This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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