I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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