I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
