Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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