I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
