Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
