Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
