We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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