By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
