Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Ladies don't puke and tell
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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