dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
