i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
