My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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