I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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