Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
