So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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