No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
