I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
