do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
