I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
