the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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