dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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