I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
