Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
