erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
