I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
