my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think my vagina is haunted
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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