hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
