Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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