I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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