i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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