whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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