i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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