Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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