Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
