Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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