This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just tell him i said nine months
i think i scared a bird with my dick
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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