Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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