At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
