Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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