I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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