why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
