there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
