Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
