Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Randomize
