I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
