hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
