I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
