so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
