Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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