I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
