I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
