it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
