He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
